so a few things(few in a loose way)

personal and longish journal for once lawl.
No but,, I just wanted to say if you want to see some lulz, see my very first posts ever made on Dragonadopters Forum, they made me just cry
I can't even
just
yeah.

On a side note I'm having up and down quick feelings again, one moment I'll be happy then the next I'm just like "i don't belong anywhere bawww" n stuff. Probably because this is a tough year in school for me, hence the low activity and lack of done art commissions, because of how stressy I'm taking these exams and it's just one exam and another course after another. I do hate England cause I swear it's the only place so much homework is given. All other schools just have increased hours. ugh.

But yeah you know sometimes when I want to watch something I WANT to be alone and not online watching it but then when I'm not and a saddish song popped up (usually celldweller? idk) then I'm like "sigh it's quiet just like my soul haha lolz" or something and I wish i had close enough friends to do shit with irl bawww sad sad forever alone etc.

Lol sorry, over time I've just become prone to personal journals because tbh I just hate the feeling of asking for attention from a website. I don't want to seem like an emo loner but I don't want to seem like the opposite either. You know? But to show any sad moody feeling on my face will piss me off until it goes, cause often people will think I'm crying over some stupid shit like a bruised arm or not done my homework lol. or to my parents, crying over my boyfriend. That will be the worst thing to mention to my mom. I can't say anything srs to her or she will try to outmatch me with worse pains, which is why I don't like doing surveys, going to the doctors, emotional health stuff because she will think I'm lying or 'ITS THE GOVERNMENTS FAULT' yeah.

Okay now I'm going srs mode.

I just wish people won't see me as some innocent dumb girl but not some sick fuck whore thing either. Although I pretty much see myself as a sick fuck I just don't want to be seen as it. Infact I don't want to be judged of anything. That I could, someday, actually wear MAKEUP without getting stupid fuck attention from school and parents even, and a comment from my brother saying of how greebo I am (old hipster term please stop) and just... what. .-.
and what if someday someone tells parentz that I'm depressed then they'll look at me and think "impossible no she doesn't know the meaning of the word depressed" then I'd have to tell her some things and just no I can't ;_; oh and the fact that she doesn't really think of me and wingman3 as a couple and she doesn't think that we even talk much and just ARGH

ok and just one last thing
you know when someone tells you that you can tell them whats wrong and stuff and your problems cause they can help or something
then you say all of the baw shit and then they're just like "ok wow sorry" and then I said if they wanted to open up to me they could and they just don't say anything, like, not even a word after? idk if I scared you or if I just told a whole story for nothing you know and I mean it wasn't just like "hello oh my god my husband and baw baw cry emo" for a paragraph, infact she he asked for it anyway and just
i dunno. I'm blabbing. This whole journal was pointless but a great insight to my life
also I just realized I don't think I've ever got arguey enough to block anyone or be blocked so... SCORE


Well this was a very random journal. You know it's been a while since I said anything CLOSE to personal so I think it's okay. It should. Cause you all do it leave me alone mainstreamers oooo <3

No I love you all tho ok guyz